Take Your Mark. Get Set. GO!!!!!

It’s an infestation of epic proportions. They’re everywhere.  No gym, weight loss center or health food store is spared.  Despite increased staffing and inventory, there will be long lines and empty shelves. The annual birthing of Resolutionaries has begun. Masses and masses of these single-minded organisms will be unleashed from their prison of self-recrimination hoping that 2015 will be their year for SUCCESS!!!

Come hell or high water, they WILL lose the 20# gained over the holidays. They will dust off that gym membership and show up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 5am EVERY DAY. They will swear off caffeine, sugar and carbs. They will quit smoking. They will ‘eat clean’. They will don their pedometer and walk to work. They will quit cursing. They will take up yoga, meditate, and recite their affirmations every day.

Within two weeks, they will be blissfully driving past the gym – feed bag of donuts strapped in place, double-shot espresso coursing through their veins – with a cigarette in one hand, flipping off the moron going 5 mph under the speed limit with the other hand.

I, however, am a Rock Star. I’ve empowered myself to make the resolution to NOT make any resolutions. I’m set up for success. I will pull out that fresh, unsullied notebook and make The Master List. I will organize daily and weekly tasks. I will keep track of long-term projects. I will mark everything I’ve done – proof that I am, at the end of the day, completely awesome. I will be energized by my superior productivity. Who needs resolutions when you’re this amazing? Heck, I’m doing things that aren’t even on The List! I may take up scrapbooking to chronicle this enlightened new phase of my life!

 MASTER LIST

  • Check expiration dates on all canned goods & refrigerated condiments, plan meals to use accordingly.
  • Flip mattresses
  • Create financial/budget binder with color coded tabs and receipt folders for daily update
  • Organize photos chronologically by year, organize each year’s photos by month
  • Thoroughly wash windows including the storm panes
  • Aerate, seed, and fertilize lawn
  • Have car detailed
  • Polish all furniture, touch up scratches with corresponding stain color
  • Re-pot all plants
  • Steam clean upholstery

Within two weeks, my list has changed significantly…

MASTER LIST

  • Check expiration dates on all canned goods & Look at refrigerated condiments, plan meals to use accordingly, keep anything not green or greenish-brown  CHECK!!!
  • Flip mattresses
  • Create Jot down financial/budget binder with color coded tabs info on sticky notes and receipt folders for daily place receipts in an envelope monthly update  CHECK!!!
  • Organize photos chronologically by year, organize each year’s photos by month
  • Thoroughly wash Spray windows with garden hose including the and throw away storm panes CHECK!!!
  • Aerate, seed, and fertilize lawn
  • Have Drive car detailed in rain  CHECK!!!
  • Polish all furniture, touch up scratches with corresponding stain color
  • Re-pot Discard all plants CHECK!!!
  • Steam clean Spray upholstery with deodorizer CHECK!!!

For the next 50 weeks, the long-term list will not change. I will glare with resentment at my lumpy mattress, disorganized photos, and dull furniture. My daily/weekly list will include tasks already completed – added to the list for the sole purpose of having something to check OFF the list… I won’t split hairs – a check mark is a check mark is a check mark!!! Maybe I didn’t write it out ahead of time, but these necessary tasks justify why I am, in fact, too busy to aerate the lawn.  Brush teeth. Check. Corral dust bunnies. Check. Do Laundry. Check. Collect loose change from couch cushions. Check. Buy batteries. Check. Reprogram DVR. Check.

Pretty sure next year I’ll be hitching a ride with the Resolutionaries…

 

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